The time has come for another update! Both of my browsers have eliminated my ability to choose the font I want, so I don't know how this is going to look when I am done, bah!

So things: Thanksgiving happened, I spent it in CA. It was a pretty good trip and considerably warmer than Chicago so I enjoyed that part of it immensely. The kittens are growing, which was bound to happen, but they are still adorable. They will make their first visit to the vet on Thursday, I hope they do alright. They aren't used to being around other people and are still really scared when strangers come over. Work hasn't changed, which is also good. I get to go home for Christmas which I'm really, really excited about. Even though I never went home until Christmas break while I was in college, it feels like I've been gone forever. Perhaps it is because so much has happened over the past months.

I have started to make some progress in the way of music. I now have my own studio I can practice at whenever I want, for FREE! I am auditioning for a choir tomorrow night *fingers crossed* and I am doing some piano stuff next week. It's not much, but it's definitely better than nothing. I'm still super frustrated though. I have this degree and it's done me no good thus far, I don't regret doing music...but maybe I should have taken the hint when everyone always asked me "and what can you do with that?" Too late now! I'm sure things will come along eventually, I'm doing all I can do really: I search for music stuff every day, apply for what I find, and then wait to see what happens. It's not a very good system, but it's all I've got for now.

Who am I kidding? I am in a horrible mood to be updating this thing right now...it was something to do to fill my time, so I think I'll end this and find something better to occupy myself with.

Recent Things

I've decided that I am awful at keeping this updated but don't really care all that much. So here is what is currently going on in my life:

I have started listening to Christmas music as much as possible. Some of you may feel that it is too early for such a pastime and to you I say, "Bah Humbug!" I absolutely love Christmas music and would listen to it all year long if I had the notion, however it is special because it only comes about for a couple of months every year and I will limit my listening time to those couple of months...plus I might not love it as much if I listened to it all year long. However, a little bit of Bing and Frank brightens my day! (If you don't know who I'm referring to then I will be more than happy to introduce you to them!)

Work is going well, it's pretty much the same thing every day but I am grateful for my job and the people I work with are rather pleasant. We had a fire drill this past week which was interesting, I felt like I was in HS all over again filing down the stairs in an orderly fashion. At least we only had to go down a few floors and it broke up the normal monotony of the day. I waited for ECobb to get done with work last night because she was working late and I felt it would be safer for her to have someone to ride home with. So I hung out at Borders, bought my sister her Christmas present and then went and spent the rest of my time at Argo Tea. Those of you reading this not from Chicago will not know what that is unless you've had the pleasure of visiting Chicago since they currently only exist in this city. So if you come and visit me perhaps I will take you there! Anyway, we got on our bus and found a knife/switchblade thing that was longer than my hand so probably around 6 inches or so...it was a pretty big knife. Freaked us both out a bit and so I took it to the bus driver because I didn't feel it was safe to leave it laying in the seat by us. Especially since a couple of creepy guys got on the bus shortly after and sat by us, Cobb was grateful that I had stayed to ride home with her.

I am going to be a hair model. ECobb was getting her hair cut on Tuesday because it was her day off and so I went to meet her after I was off work because we were going out for a friend's early birthday celebration. Anyway, I was sitting and waiting and one of the stylists came over and started talking to me and asked if I would be interested in being a model for one of their classes for their students, apparently they need people with naturally curly hair and she said I have really great hair, so I figured why not? It could be fun!

Our kittens are getting bigger, here is a picture of them sleeping by my head:



They are pretty adorable. We bought them some toys and a scratching post today, early Christmas present. We also got a tree stand for our Christmas tree, whenever we get that. Perhaps on Sunday? Cobb and I also our official Illinois residents! We went and got our driver's licenses today and passed with flying colors. We only had to do the written of course since we already both had driver's licenses from our home states. I am pretty excited about it because it means that I am now completely official to live here, yay!

It snowed for the very first time this past weekend. Beautiful big flakes just sort of floating down out of the sky, my favorite kind of snow. I went outside and just stood there because I was so excited...that was short-lived since I wasn't wearing a coat but it was worth it. Winter is fantastic! :-)

I have exciting things that will be happening this weekend so I will write about them probably later, but that's all for now!

Kittens!

So much has happened since I've last written in (on?) here, I doubt I will remember it all.  Also, if you're expecting pictures you're still out of luck...deal with it.

Halloween in the city proved to be as uneventful as halloween everywhere else.  Perhaps this is because I'm not willing to dress myself up in either a skanky or ridiculous costume and parade myself like a drunken fool, as is the custom on this day in many bars and clubs and at various events/parties throughout the city.  I am much more content to observe others in their foolishness and let them serve as my amusement.  Like these two guys I saw on the "El" on my way home from downtown.  They were dressed as nuns: ridiculous and not that creative, but still funny.  Another amusing costume observed on my way home was a man dressed up as Peter Pan, which was extra funny because he was not a small man.  In fact he was a rather large, football player-build, African American...and I think he was probably gay.  So it was more of the man in the costume than the costume itself that made it comical.  There was also a parade of bicycles around the Daley center before I had even left downtown.  I'm not really sure what that was all about but what I do know is this: it went on for about 10 minutes and prevented me from crossing the street to get to where I wanted to go and eat dinner while I waited for my roommate to get off of work.  Some of the people were dressed up, others were just normal-looking people.  If you're wondering why I didn't just choose to cross the street somewhere else it is because of this: the sidewalk where I could have crossed the street and avoided all of that nonsense was closed!  It has been for quite some time due to construction, and even if I had gone down a block I still would have had to wait for the stupid "parade" to be over because it covered that wide of an area...so I waited.  I did see the "Hi Guy" in the parade so that was cool I guess.  I eventually made it home with my roommate and we spent our evening watching a scary movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  For those of you interested, it's called The Haunting and has no gore or anything of that nature and is not really your typical scary movie, which is why I like it!  It actually has a story beyond, "we did something to some person and now he is pissed off and wants to kill us all."

And if you're wondering why I was even downtown waiting for my roommate (which you're probably not but I will explain anyway), I have a job!  My official title is "administrative assistant," but what I do isn't really what you'd expect based on that.  I spend most of my day working in the company's database system entering in changes and adding new vendors to the system.  I don't want to bore you with all the unnecessary details, but what you should know is that it's a good job and I like the people I work with, as far as I can tell anyway.  I haven't been there for very long and I don't really know anyone all that well, but that will come in time I'm sure.  I'm shy enough that I could stay unnoticeable, at least for a while I think.  I would like to be doing piano stuff, but again, that will come in time I'm sure :-)  I actually am playing piano at a church tomorrow morning, I'm just a substitute for their normal pianist, but if all goes well perhaps this will lead to other things!  That's what I'm hoping/praying for at this point.

Okay, so a lot of other things have gone on this past week or so, but I'll write about that later...for the rest of this post I will divulge what my adventures will be for the rest of the day.  Today I am going to visit my old roommate, Sarah, at her apple orchard/farm and maybe bring home a pet or two.  ECobb and I decided we wanted kittens to keep us company so I am going to go and look at some at Sarah's place and maybe bring them home with me.  Now the trick is, we'd have to come up with names.  This could be a difficult task since we're both creative people and would like unique names for our little furry friends.  Feel free to leave suggestions!  I will post pictures of them...eventually...just like the apartment, ha!  That is all for now, I will try not to leave you in suspense for too long and post pictures within a week, hopefully we'll have real internet by then so I can do it via my own computer! :-)

Chicago and things

So I said pictures would come once I've moved into my new place... Well I've been living in my new place for about 2 weeks, but I do not have internet on my computer so I'm using my roommate's until we have our own internet.  Her computer is able to pick up many wireless signals, mine doesn't.  Point being, pictures won't happen until we have our own internet connection.  I could upload pictures to her computer, but rather than do that you all can just be patient until I can do it on my own comp.  Deal with it!  I also have a job, but will elaborate more on that story later.

I spent this past weekend visiting my college roommate.  She is recently engaged and her mom was throwing her and her fiancee an engagement party.  Since I am the maid-of-honor it was natural that I be there, and she doesn't live too far outside of Chicago so it was an easy trip to make.  It was quite a fun weekend and I really enjoyed my time spent there.  Her house is always a great place to visit and I'm treated like family so it's pretty awesome.  

The weekend brought mostly discussion of weddings and that sort of thing.  I can't say that I don't understand why people want to get married, I do.  What I don't get is all of the time and energy that is spent putting into this one day of your life, especially when nowadays, a lot of people go through this "one day" multiple times due to divorce or other circumstances.  Sure, a wedding is supposed to be what every girl wants, but not every girl has spent her entire life planning what her wedding day will be like or even wants to get married!  Society seems to think those girls are "abnormal," but are they?  I, for one, don't think so.  Love sucks and from what I've witnessed, marriage is no picnic either.  My own experience makes me biased in this regard, but I have yet to be shown/proven otherwise.  Love, in the romantic sense of course, has either ended up being a lie or a cheat (which also is lying, but not all of my liars have been cheaters).  I have more than just one example, there's actually a good amount of evidence I can give to support my opinion in this matter.  *Disclaimer: I don't feel sorry for myself and pity parties don't do anyone any good.  I'm merely stating what I know to be true in this regard.  I'm not looking for advice and/or sympathy, so please don't try to be "helpful"*  

People can say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.  But when you have poured your heart and soul into someone, trusting and opening yourself up to them wholeheartedly, and you lose that...I don't really believe I'm "better" because of that.  I think I could have been a much happier person had I never experienced it.  Sure, you gain wisdom and grow as a person, but is it really worth it?  I haven't been able to justify it thus far in my life and it's only caused issues for me personally when in other relationships, being dating or friendship.  I've watched marriages fall apart because people just "fall out of love" or "grow apart."  Did they really love each other to begin with or was it something that both of them just wanted so badly they convinced themselves they were in love with each other, only to realize later that they were just in love with the idea of being "in love."  I think if you tell yourself something for a long enough period of time, you start to believe it as truth, even though it may very well not be.  People use the word "love" so flippantly.  It is such a powerful word, one that should never be taken lightly.  It causes many different emotions, from complete bliss and joy to utter turmoil and despair.  The fact that God gave us this ability and power to share with other human beings is beyond my comprehension.  That being said, it is not a word that I use unless truly meant, (this applies only to people, my "love" of chocolate is on a completely different level).  Hence the reason why love has caused so much pain in my life, whether it be romantic or platonic, (I know there are latin words for those types of love, I thought I would stick to vocabulary that is easily interpreted).  The pain I've experienced has led to fear of love, whether it's loving other people or accepting that love myself.  It's something that I struggle with and don't readily give or accept, perhaps this is a good thing since it keeps me "safe" but I'm not sure that is what love is about.  Love, any kind of love, is more than just a feeling, it's a choice.  It is a terrible and wonderful thing all at the same time.  You can choose to love someone and risk the danger of losing them or causing you a broken heart, or you can choose to not love someone and keep yourself from that pain and anguish, but you may be missing out on what could be an incredible friendship or in some cases, a future life partner.  It's a tricky balance and is not an easy choice, no matter what the situation, whether it be friendship, family, or a relationship, you can't know where love will take you once you decide to love someone.  You can only make the choice and decide to stick with it, no matter what.  There is a line in the movie Love and Other Disasters that puts it quite well, "True love is...a decision to take a chance with somebody, to give to somebody without worrying whether they'll give anything back or if they're going to hurt you or if they really are the one.  Maybe love isn't something that happens to you, maybe it's something you have to choose."  In this instance, the character was obviously referring to romantic love, but with the exception of worrying about whether that person is "the one" those things can apply to all types of love.  

Funny how this blog was going to be about how anti-love I am...perhaps I'm not as biased as I thought myself to be.  Either that, or I'm a hopeless optimist which could be translated into a complete fool I suppose, who knows? 

Apartment

I have an apartment! Pictures and an update from the past week or so will be posted soon along with pictures from my new place (once I'm moved in). Now if I could just get a job...

Chicago!

Chicago! The windy city...or so they say, my experience with the literal part of the nickname is this: that's really only true if you're down by the lake. It's been a great experience thus far, minus not having a job or a place to move into yet. I still have a week though so hopefully something turns out by then!

In the meantime, here are some pictures of my current home, consider it a virtual tour. I didn't include pictures of either bedroom, but they are pretty standard as far as bedrooms go. I got a little camera happy, but the building is old with a few quirks and I kind of like it! :-)

This is the hallway. I took pics entering and leaving the apartment, if you can't figure out which is which the closed door is sort of a dead giveaway:


The Living Room (I slept on that couch for about a week):


The "Dining room," complete with homemade cookies on the table. It's really not a room since it's in the living room, more of a dining area:


Moving forward! Connected to the dining room is our kitchen. I'm a fan of the checkered floor:


We also have a bathroom, one of those apartment necessities:


The door in the kitchen leads to our back porch. Below is a picture of said porch, however you cannot see the iron rungs on the wall that lead up to the roof, but I promise they are there. Also, there are a couple of our "lovely" porch views.


Which brings us to my favorite place, the roof. The sunset was particularly pretty the evening I was up there, so I decided to capture the moment:


So ends my tour, hopefully you weren't too disappointed...if you were, next time lower your expectations ;-) New pictures will come once I am permanently established in the city.

Just some words...

Looking up, falling down

Getting dizzy with each round

Of this crossword puzzle I’m trying to figure out

Another turn here, turn there

Within this maze going who knows where

How can I make sense out of something that has no sense at all?

But this is where the sort of understanding comes into play

It follows you around until you finally turn and ask the way

To find the exit to this “Alice in Wonderland” sort of maze...

And then you realize

Things aren’t always what they seem

An open door isn’t always an opportunity

I blow my wishes to the wind

Drop some pebbles to show where I’ve been

So everyone will know I’ve learned from what I’ve seen...

It’s not the same as it was yesterday

It’s not logical, practical, or anything else they call sane

It’s a weakness that’s made true through His strength

Falling up a downward staircase

Like a communication, frustration, intimidation, humiliation

For all signs and deeds and words to please

To try to make me feel better for who I am

Like I know what’s showing and going up the lifeline at the right time

Fear of no affection

Fear of correction

Fear of saying too much that would give someone a clue

Of how I’m not so strong and I’m sometimes wrong

And I can feel the pressure of what everybody measures me up to be

By what they see, so nothing that I feel is gonna help me deal with me